Daily(-ish...) Bugle
Apr. 17th, 2019 07:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
0denseWell we're not quite at Everything Awful Oh God Somebody Do Something, but man
has it been a mess lately or what
without even touching anything political/international/real-world beyond my tangible sphere bc I'm so exhausted, the thing about working in a legal clinic is, obviously, people come to you when they're in the worst situation. And it's our job to be supportive and helpful and get them as many resources as we can, and not be bogged down, but it's an endless parade of ways the world is cruel to people who don't deserve any of it. And our director is also working with the public defender's office, and the cases she gets are an order of magnitude worse - we're just civil, here, small mercies, but I'm gonna have to spend some time figuring out crim law too and that's gonna take a lot of emotional support, I can tell you.
so in the name of not letting myself start the day by on a down note, yesterday I finally psyched myself into letting some of my fic-bites into the world! I can't promise either quality nor quantity, but hey words exist in sequence!
In decreasing order of seriousness,
1: when having struggles, write lowkey whump
The advisor set down his brush with a soft sigh, and Jingyan was startled by the series of cracks as he rotated his wrist.
“My apologies, sir Su. Shall we take a break?” He hadn't noticed the time passing, so lost in their work, but the length of paper covered in Mei Changsu’s careful hand spoke clearly enough.
“Please, let me be the one to apologize,” Mei Changsu shook his head. “I would benefit from a moment of movement, but I don't mean to interrupt, and I'll be back in just a moment.”
He stood to make a circuit of the courtyard, but swayed before taking a step, eyes pressed tightly closed. Jingyan's own eyes went wide, and he could never have said how he avoided upsetting the low table that had been between them, as he lunged just in time to catch the strategist before he hit the ground. Mei Changsu was too light in his arms, disguised by the layers of robes he always wore, and Jingyan lowered the both of themselves to the ground gently.
Mei Changsu's head lolled against Jingyan's chest, when he tried to support him. A frantic moment to secure him, and when Jingyan found his wrist, his pulse was a racing thread hiding deep against the cold bones.
When Mei Changsu opened his eyes again, too dark for the afternoon's light, Jingyan had counted far too many beats for the few breaths that had passed. His gaze cleared, and met Jingyan's, looking down at him in fierce concern.
“Your highness. I've made you worry,” he whispered, and turned away, eyes squeezed tight against shame. He pulled his wrist from Jingyan's touch, dragging the limb as though it were heavier than it had been in his grasp.
“Wait,” Jingyan caught his shoulder before he could tip onto the floor, “catch your breath. Sir Su, what just happened? Are you alright?”
Mei Changsu took a breath, and carefully pushed himself up from the floor to sit up, legs in front of himself. “My apologies, your highness,” he said, as formal as he could when the bow made him wobble again. “I stood up too quickly, is all. Thank you for saving me from a fall.”
“You stood up too suddenly, is all?” Jingyan's brow knit, concerned. “Is this common, then?”
“My health is delicate as ever, your highness.” A disparaging flash, aping a smile, quirked his lips. “I'm afraid I don't share your warrior's constitution.”
“Don't apologize for being ill, please.” Jingyan shifted, considering. He hadn't asked her, but. “My mother is a physician, and very skilled. I could ask if she would like to take on a patient.”
But Mei Changsu was already shaking his head. “Please, don't inconvenience her on my account. My condition is stable, and my own physician will not be pleased to hear that I have let myself reach this point. I couldn't cause your mother trouble, as well.”
“You're certain.” Jingyan wasn't, but he wouldn't push him. “Alright, I do hear you. But,” he added, “if it should so happen to be her choice to send you something, I hope you would receive it.”
Mei Changsu's eyes were a little wide, and he put his hands together again, more steady now. “I would never refuse the kindness of Madame Jing.”
------------------------------------
2: YJ and JR, BFFL
Jingrui listens to Yujin's account of everything he's missed, and leans back in his seat. To be here again, to share a pot of tea and hear Yujin’s voice wash over him, could almost be enough to convince him that the last two years were nothing more than a fever dream he'd finally woken from. But Yujin's soft face has a new set, and Jingrui tries to imagine his friend in a helmet, in armor.
It's bizarre. Unnatural.
Jingrui gives his head a little shake, to clear the awful picture of Yujin, streaked with blood and soot.
“Jingrui?” Yujin's concern darts through his dark haze. “Is there something?”
Yes, Jingrui wants to say, there's everything. I invited this man into our city, and now it's come to two princes fallen from power, the Xuanjing Bureau in shambles, an attempted coup, a sword in your hands that should be learning to play music, not cutting down our own countrymen. And there's more, I can feel, that you're not telling me yet, and we've never had secrets like this from each other before. You never used to be able to lie to me.
“Yes,” he says. “It seems you've been in the thick of it, since I left.”
Yujin smiles, and even that is crooked from where it should have been. “Something like that. Father has been keeping me from being too confused,” he explains, and his face brightens so clearly that not a bone of Jingrui's body could be upset with him, truly.
“Has he, now?” Jingrui smiles back, and it is easy. “Sir Su did speak well of his grasp of situations. It's a good time for him to pass that on to you.”
“It is,” Yujin nods. “It is- good, that he is here now.”
“He should be. He should do well for you,” Jingrui says firmly, “or he shouldn't claim the honor of being your father, if he never did know you.”
He sets his cup down with a click, and is a little startled when Yujin catches his wrist.
“Rui. If you would like to talk about your -”
Jingrui puts his other hand over Yujin's, stopping him. “Not yet. I will. I will need to, likely, because no matter how long it's been, I still haven't been able to have that conversation with you, specifically. But one at a time.”
Yujin nods, and doesn't withdraw his hand. It takes a moment for him to speak again.
“I was glad to have my father back in our house, of course. But it was a very strange new year's without you.” His hand twitches on Jingrui's wrist, tighter for a split second. “I am very glad you both are here again.”
--------------------------------------------------
3: and then I throw caution to the wind and the bit where YJ realises everyone thought he was gonna be DFAB is my excuse to be 1000% self-indulgent
“Yujin,” he shook his head, “out of everything that we've seen and everything I know, there's nothing that I trust as well as the fact that you are always yourself. It would be the complete height of foolishness, if I assumed this changed so much that I couldn't recognize you.”
He smiled then, suddenly. “This is twice now, then, that I've learned I have another sister.”
And as Yujin burst out laughing in relief, he joined her, exclaiming, “but this is a much more welcome surprise!”
Gong Yu ran a hand through Yujin's hair and paused, considering.
“It's still short, isn't it,” Yujin asked, trying and failing to keep her voice from falling.
Gong Yu hummed. “Shorter than some, perhaps, but not unreasonably so. There are some styles that will have to wait, yes. But,” she said firmly, smiling at Yujin in the mirror, “I am very good at this.”
“I wonder if it could be time for another trip into the jianghu soon,” Jingrui mused one day, as the breezes began to warm from a week of rain.
“The jianghu? I suppose, but it's not as though the city has been so utterly quiet, any more.” Yujin remembered the long months he had been gone before, and her heart sinks at the thought of him vanishing again, so soon. “Or has your dad brought it up?”
“No, not for that,” he shook his head. “But I was thinking that we should travel together, again. It would always be easier to be new people there, wouldn't it? Yujin is a very good name,” he continued, as she stared at him, “but no one would mind if you introduced yourself by another name, in that world.”
The second morning of their journey, Yujin opened the box of hairpieces she has collected. It was harder, without the mirror or Gong Yu’s help, but she slowly assembled the plaits and pins into something respectable for a young woman of the jianghu.
From a seat on their light packs, Jingrui watched her, and startled when she caught him at it, as though he had been distracted by something.
“I don't believe I've seen you assemble that style before,” he explained. “It becomes you.”
“Young sir is making a difficult decision,” the shopkeeper announced, wandering towards him. “If there are certain options that are especially interesting, I might be able to advise.” He stood beside Jingrui and considered the combs and pins laid out before them.
“Thank you. To be honest,” Jingrui admits, “I've never been the one to pick these out, before. It's all very-” he gestured over them, hoping to somehow convey his muddle of appreciation and confusion at once.
“Aah, but all gentlemen have to start a little later than women, in learning this.” The shopkeeper shrugged comfortably. “Who is this for, then? And why is she not here to tell you which one suits her best?”
“It's a surprise,” he explained, with a smile darting over his face, “and she's my best friend.”
The shopkeeper threw back his head and laughed. “Best friends! That's how it should start, yes. Tell me about her, then, and we'll find what suits the lucky girl.”
AKA:
YJ: So, I'm trans
JR: Hell yeah, sister
YJ: So I'm gonna try being more femme, I think
JR: (walks directly into a tree) uhh. um. good for you!!
so those exist for the world to enjoy, hopefully! if something's not working for character voices and things, drop me a line? just please be nice! orz
also I called in late to work for the first time today bc I just gotta eat breakfast. and thank Goodness my director is chill, I just need to get my feet under me
LLAP, y'all
has it been a mess lately or what
without even touching anything political/international/real-world beyond my tangible sphere bc I'm so exhausted, the thing about working in a legal clinic is, obviously, people come to you when they're in the worst situation. And it's our job to be supportive and helpful and get them as many resources as we can, and not be bogged down, but it's an endless parade of ways the world is cruel to people who don't deserve any of it. And our director is also working with the public defender's office, and the cases she gets are an order of magnitude worse - we're just civil, here, small mercies, but I'm gonna have to spend some time figuring out crim law too and that's gonna take a lot of emotional support, I can tell you.
so in the name of not letting myself start the day by on a down note, yesterday I finally psyched myself into letting some of my fic-bites into the world! I can't promise either quality nor quantity, but hey words exist in sequence!
In decreasing order of seriousness,
1: when having struggles, write lowkey whump
The advisor set down his brush with a soft sigh, and Jingyan was startled by the series of cracks as he rotated his wrist.
“My apologies, sir Su. Shall we take a break?” He hadn't noticed the time passing, so lost in their work, but the length of paper covered in Mei Changsu’s careful hand spoke clearly enough.
“Please, let me be the one to apologize,” Mei Changsu shook his head. “I would benefit from a moment of movement, but I don't mean to interrupt, and I'll be back in just a moment.”
He stood to make a circuit of the courtyard, but swayed before taking a step, eyes pressed tightly closed. Jingyan's own eyes went wide, and he could never have said how he avoided upsetting the low table that had been between them, as he lunged just in time to catch the strategist before he hit the ground. Mei Changsu was too light in his arms, disguised by the layers of robes he always wore, and Jingyan lowered the both of themselves to the ground gently.
Mei Changsu's head lolled against Jingyan's chest, when he tried to support him. A frantic moment to secure him, and when Jingyan found his wrist, his pulse was a racing thread hiding deep against the cold bones.
When Mei Changsu opened his eyes again, too dark for the afternoon's light, Jingyan had counted far too many beats for the few breaths that had passed. His gaze cleared, and met Jingyan's, looking down at him in fierce concern.
“Your highness. I've made you worry,” he whispered, and turned away, eyes squeezed tight against shame. He pulled his wrist from Jingyan's touch, dragging the limb as though it were heavier than it had been in his grasp.
“Wait,” Jingyan caught his shoulder before he could tip onto the floor, “catch your breath. Sir Su, what just happened? Are you alright?”
Mei Changsu took a breath, and carefully pushed himself up from the floor to sit up, legs in front of himself. “My apologies, your highness,” he said, as formal as he could when the bow made him wobble again. “I stood up too quickly, is all. Thank you for saving me from a fall.”
“You stood up too suddenly, is all?” Jingyan's brow knit, concerned. “Is this common, then?”
“My health is delicate as ever, your highness.” A disparaging flash, aping a smile, quirked his lips. “I'm afraid I don't share your warrior's constitution.”
“Don't apologize for being ill, please.” Jingyan shifted, considering. He hadn't asked her, but. “My mother is a physician, and very skilled. I could ask if she would like to take on a patient.”
But Mei Changsu was already shaking his head. “Please, don't inconvenience her on my account. My condition is stable, and my own physician will not be pleased to hear that I have let myself reach this point. I couldn't cause your mother trouble, as well.”
“You're certain.” Jingyan wasn't, but he wouldn't push him. “Alright, I do hear you. But,” he added, “if it should so happen to be her choice to send you something, I hope you would receive it.”
Mei Changsu's eyes were a little wide, and he put his hands together again, more steady now. “I would never refuse the kindness of Madame Jing.”
------------------------------------
2: YJ and JR, BFFL
Jingrui listens to Yujin's account of everything he's missed, and leans back in his seat. To be here again, to share a pot of tea and hear Yujin’s voice wash over him, could almost be enough to convince him that the last two years were nothing more than a fever dream he'd finally woken from. But Yujin's soft face has a new set, and Jingrui tries to imagine his friend in a helmet, in armor.
It's bizarre. Unnatural.
Jingrui gives his head a little shake, to clear the awful picture of Yujin, streaked with blood and soot.
“Jingrui?” Yujin's concern darts through his dark haze. “Is there something?”
Yes, Jingrui wants to say, there's everything. I invited this man into our city, and now it's come to two princes fallen from power, the Xuanjing Bureau in shambles, an attempted coup, a sword in your hands that should be learning to play music, not cutting down our own countrymen. And there's more, I can feel, that you're not telling me yet, and we've never had secrets like this from each other before. You never used to be able to lie to me.
“Yes,” he says. “It seems you've been in the thick of it, since I left.”
Yujin smiles, and even that is crooked from where it should have been. “Something like that. Father has been keeping me from being too confused,” he explains, and his face brightens so clearly that not a bone of Jingrui's body could be upset with him, truly.
“Has he, now?” Jingrui smiles back, and it is easy. “Sir Su did speak well of his grasp of situations. It's a good time for him to pass that on to you.”
“It is,” Yujin nods. “It is- good, that he is here now.”
“He should be. He should do well for you,” Jingrui says firmly, “or he shouldn't claim the honor of being your father, if he never did know you.”
He sets his cup down with a click, and is a little startled when Yujin catches his wrist.
“Rui. If you would like to talk about your -”
Jingrui puts his other hand over Yujin's, stopping him. “Not yet. I will. I will need to, likely, because no matter how long it's been, I still haven't been able to have that conversation with you, specifically. But one at a time.”
Yujin nods, and doesn't withdraw his hand. It takes a moment for him to speak again.
“I was glad to have my father back in our house, of course. But it was a very strange new year's without you.” His hand twitches on Jingrui's wrist, tighter for a split second. “I am very glad you both are here again.”
--------------------------------------------------
3: and then I throw caution to the wind and the bit where YJ realises everyone thought he was gonna be DFAB is my excuse to be 1000% self-indulgent
“Yujin,” he shook his head, “out of everything that we've seen and everything I know, there's nothing that I trust as well as the fact that you are always yourself. It would be the complete height of foolishness, if I assumed this changed so much that I couldn't recognize you.”
He smiled then, suddenly. “This is twice now, then, that I've learned I have another sister.”
And as Yujin burst out laughing in relief, he joined her, exclaiming, “but this is a much more welcome surprise!”
Gong Yu ran a hand through Yujin's hair and paused, considering.
“It's still short, isn't it,” Yujin asked, trying and failing to keep her voice from falling.
Gong Yu hummed. “Shorter than some, perhaps, but not unreasonably so. There are some styles that will have to wait, yes. But,” she said firmly, smiling at Yujin in the mirror, “I am very good at this.”
“I wonder if it could be time for another trip into the jianghu soon,” Jingrui mused one day, as the breezes began to warm from a week of rain.
“The jianghu? I suppose, but it's not as though the city has been so utterly quiet, any more.” Yujin remembered the long months he had been gone before, and her heart sinks at the thought of him vanishing again, so soon. “Or has your dad brought it up?”
“No, not for that,” he shook his head. “But I was thinking that we should travel together, again. It would always be easier to be new people there, wouldn't it? Yujin is a very good name,” he continued, as she stared at him, “but no one would mind if you introduced yourself by another name, in that world.”
The second morning of their journey, Yujin opened the box of hairpieces she has collected. It was harder, without the mirror or Gong Yu’s help, but she slowly assembled the plaits and pins into something respectable for a young woman of the jianghu.
From a seat on their light packs, Jingrui watched her, and startled when she caught him at it, as though he had been distracted by something.
“I don't believe I've seen you assemble that style before,” he explained. “It becomes you.”
“Young sir is making a difficult decision,” the shopkeeper announced, wandering towards him. “If there are certain options that are especially interesting, I might be able to advise.” He stood beside Jingrui and considered the combs and pins laid out before them.
“Thank you. To be honest,” Jingrui admits, “I've never been the one to pick these out, before. It's all very-” he gestured over them, hoping to somehow convey his muddle of appreciation and confusion at once.
“Aah, but all gentlemen have to start a little later than women, in learning this.” The shopkeeper shrugged comfortably. “Who is this for, then? And why is she not here to tell you which one suits her best?”
“It's a surprise,” he explained, with a smile darting over his face, “and she's my best friend.”
The shopkeeper threw back his head and laughed. “Best friends! That's how it should start, yes. Tell me about her, then, and we'll find what suits the lucky girl.”
AKA:
YJ: So, I'm trans
JR: Hell yeah, sister
YJ: So I'm gonna try being more femme, I think
JR: (walks directly into a tree) uhh. um. good for you!!
so those exist for the world to enjoy, hopefully! if something's not working for character voices and things, drop me a line? just please be nice! orz
also I called in late to work for the first time today bc I just gotta eat breakfast. and thank Goodness my director is chill, I just need to get my feet under me
LLAP, y'all
no subject
Date: 2019-04-18 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-18 03:48 am (UTC)Yes, Jingrui wants to say, there's everything. I invited this man into our city
This line caught me. It's a great question, honestly. How much does Jingrui feel responsible for inviting the proverbial demon over the doorstep? Thank goodness he has Yujin to keep him from blaming himself overmuch. And thank goodness Yujin has Jingrui to tell him he deserves as much love as he gives!
Thank you for sharing these despite the Current State of Affairs! Fight that burnout in whatever healthy ways you can, and take care of yourself!
no subject
Date: 2019-04-18 07:29 am (UTC)also, I dig that icon ;D
no subject
Date: 2019-04-18 07:46 am (UTC)yeah, it's an awkward position for JR isn't it! it's not proper canon or anything, but I have this impression/image of JR coming back to the echoing city, gates hanging by a hinge, stepping carefully over everything that was spilled while he was away, and he looks up to see MCS, impeccable in the middle of carnage. And MCS thanks him for letting him in, manners perfect as ever
inviting the demon over the doorstep is exactly it, agh!
I don't know how/when YJ is going to tell him who MCS is. I mean, I assume YJ can put the pieces together in the first place; I've started reading the novel and he's quite perceptive. But right at this second, between JR coming back and the Emperor's birthday, YJ can't come clean either. I think that would certainly be a potential larger wedge between them than just the time apart was. But they've gotta work it out!! I'll work it out for them lol, I promise happy endings when I do reach that point!
I think trying to get in the habit of creativity is certainly a healthy alternative to overindulging in writing papers, right? there's gotta be a way to balance ;D