0dense: a mottled blue foreground fading into cold white; hail covering a light (Default)
Oh, one thing I got polished up for public consumption! Actually, this was an assignment -- we had a few options to demonstrate our understanding of materials alongside the formal exam, and obviously I took the creative writing route. That being said, I only had 1250 words max to demonstrate a minimum of 30 technical elements, and you would be surprised how quickly that wordcount sneaks up on you! So pacing was a necessary casualty. Also, this one is NOT properly representative of absolutely any known legal system lmao, I took the general idea of "NiF, but it's also modern' that a buddy made strides in elsewhere and ran off with it, careening off the walls on my way! But I love love love the ministers and their cultivation-work <3 so here they are fighting the good fight for clarity in some ambiguous post-canon contemporary-ish setting

Ministers Shen Zhui and Cai Quan for the Defense
Word count: 1239
Caveat lector for: clinical description of offscreen character death by stroke, with complications.
Read more... )


extra: works originally cited, for funsies: 
  • "Most common site of bleeding in the brain at 50% of hemorrhagic strokes" Chen S, Zeng L, Hu Z. Progressing haemorrhagic stroke: categories, causes, mechanisms and managements. J Neurol. 2014 Nov;261(11):2061-78
  • Schwab S, Aschoff A, Spranger M, Albert F, Hacke W. The value of intracranial pressure monitoring in acute hemispheric stroke. Neurology. 1996 Aug;47(2):393-8. doi: 10.1212/wnl.47.2.393. PMID: 8757010.
  • Unnithan AKA, M Das J, Mehta P. Hemorrhagic Stroke. [Updated 2022 Sep 30]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2022 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559173/
  • Peck-Radosavljevic M. Thrombocytopenia in liver disease. Can J Gastroenterol. 2000 Nov; 14 Suppl D:60D-66D. doi: 10.1155/2000/617428. PMID: 11110614

(and actually I do have context, I just didn't have space to fit it in: considering that the new emperor's advisor of mysterious provenance has died abruptly, under the primary care of 1) a doctor who is not a citizen but does represent a well-regarded neighboring entity, and 2) a physician who happens to be the emperor's own mother, it would actually behoove Jingyan to be able to independently state that there was nothing untoward going on. This is a formality, but it's not unreasonable for SZ and CQ to have some anxieties about how their report will be received, considering the previous administrations) (also, yes the other doctor's names are eastereggs for Jin Dong's other projects :D)
0dense: a mottled blue foreground fading into cold white; hail covering a light (Default)
For some people the day comes
when they have to declare the great Yes
or the great No. It’s clear at once who has the Yes
ready within him; and saying it,
he goes from honor to honor, strong in his conviction.
He who refuses does not repent. Asked again,
he’d still say no. Yet that no—the right no—
drags him down all his life.
C.P. Cavafy
trans. Edmund Keeley
from Selected Poems, 1975
 
So I'm not actually usually one for watching shows at all, but this year the two major series I've gotten into have been Nirvana in Fire and HBO's Chernobyl. On the surface, that should be a coincidence - what could a wuxia show in something like 500 AD have to do with Ukraine in 1986? - but there's a decent chance my thesis will end up being something on epistemic authority and the abuses thereof. And as such, I haven't been able to disassociate the two from each other. 
 
The central question of Chernobyl is, obviously, the cost of lies. NiF is less explicit than Legasov's monologues, but my elevator pitch of the show has been: Once upon a time, the emperor of a nation endorsed a lie that killed 70k people, and one survivor is trying to prove their innocence.
"Once, a government tried to cover up how it could have lead to the awful death of a great number of it's people, who generally acted in good faith but were backed against a wall by misinformation. Now, we have a lead who will gather and present testimony that exposes the system, before choosing to die on their own terms instead of succumbing to their own illness from the original catastrophe. We will explore, but are not limited to, the inevitable instability of a nation that does not place their people's best interests paramount, the failure of censorship, and the spectre of state police."
For such outwardly dissimilar shows, that's a heck of a number of parallels.
 
Obviously, the two shows are wildly different in timbre, but, obligations of genre aside, even the differing mechanics of length and scope speak to similar issues. NiF takes 54 episodes because Mei Changsu isn't just taking the short route of regicide to leave Jingyan as the only remaining option, he's taking the effort to reform the nation from the corruption that enabled and benefited from the instability of the last generation of leadership. He has a list of specific targets, but a whole system to address. 54 episodes gives him time to do that.
Chernobyl jumps straight to a show trial, because scapegoats are easiest and Bryukhanov, Fomin, and Dyatlov are guilt magnets. Still, though, Legasov shrugs and points out - Dyatlov acted in faith of the tools he believed he had, but it wasn't his fault that the machine of the state had decided to cut corners, instead. But five hours isn't enough time to address an entire government the way Mei Changsu did, and so Chernobyl ends before we see the return on what the show has cost our lead.
 
Still, allowing NiF the space of 54 episodes to get there, the two do follow the same general structure. Craig Mazin calls his show a murder mystery (podcast 5, 11:12), and both shows aren't as much a 'whodunnit' as 'how-and-whydunnit'. The catastrophe itself can only be addressed if the prior circumstances are brought to light as well, and only then can the people who were directly involved take the appropriate amount of blame. 'How did we get to the point where this was possible, and why did it end up happening" is a much bigger question than the element of "Who had their hand on the blade/button/pen that signed everything into action". If the problems at hand really were so simple as to be possibly addressed by the immediate removal of a handful of administrators, the story would be so straightforward as not to be interesting in the first place. But if you want to try to make it impossible for the circumstances that allowed for those administrators to cause harm to return in the first place, you've got a great deal more work cut out for yourself. 
That's the project we follow our leads through. We have faith that our stories' arcs will lead us to our heroes preservering, but the path to making narratives align with reality is harrowing. If we want the rewards of justice, we must commit to the harrowing ordeal of making the truth known. Chernobyl's climax takes place over a courtroom, where a high-ranking official interrupts proceedings to allow crucial testimony to be heard; in NiF, the ministers rise in opposition to their emperor, petitioning for a case to be re-opened in order to account for corrected evidence. 
 
This is the Great No that I mean with Cavafy's poem. The rejection of what is easy and false, regardless of the danger it places the speaker in. The courage to be the one who drags wrongdoings into the light, no matter what or who is to blame; even if they were committed by a member of your family, or you were once complicit yourself. There is a cost, yes, imposed even before knowing what the outcome will be. For the rest of their life, the speaker will carry that action, just as they would have had to bear the sin of their inaction. 
There is always the temptation to be passive. Lin Shu already died in the mountains, and Mei Changsu is his spectre; as Legasov said, is that not enough? But no, Khomyuk answers, it is not. In the name of a world where no one should have to suffer in that way again, it is not. 
 
At the end of the day, Legasov and Mei Changsu both die before they see the full impact of their efforts. They have given themselves to the project of a better world, but such change has not been achieved yet. Instead, they must trust in the friends they met along that journey to continue the work, and the basic decency of strangers not to make the mistakes of the past. 
I will not say that both shows are hopeful, because Chernobyl is so baldly distressing that I can't say it with a straight face. But, I will say that they both do turn on a faith in, if not a collective entity such as humanity, people themselves. That, when a tragedy occurs, there will be people who turn and face it. That people are good and brave enough to shoulder personal consequences, so that others will be granted a better chance. That, on balance, people don't want to cause harm to others, and will ultimately correct loopholes and shortcomings that allow harm to occur. People may not be particularly dignified or excited when it comes to certain steps, but they will carry on. And, despite everything, it will be worth something. For all that the stories approach from such different backgrounds, what a good aesop to agree on. 

 
Obviously, the two sharing themes doesn’t mean anything more than that the abuse of epistemic authority is a popular topic for discussion, and the fact that I enjoy them both doesn’t mean everyone would; the target audiences are entirely different. But if people did like the themes in one, and have an open mind, I hope they might like or be interested in the other as well. 
 

I've been convincing myself of this for a while now, so I hope it still makes sense. Also, I've had that time to accumulate bits of media that seem to apply to both of them, like Cavafy's poem, so: 
(Not according to musical or cultural context:)
  • It's Only, by Odesza.
    • Originally, I heard this as Lin Chen forcing himself to accept Mei Changsu's mortality, but "I heard the news today that you weren't mine to save / I hope that you're comfortable in the quiet plastic grave" is also very Open Wide O Earth
  • Two Slow Dancers, by Mitski
    • For NiF, Jingyan and his xiao Shu; if only they could stay together, if only life and time weren't tearing them apart; "It would be a hundred times easier, if we were young again"
    • For Chernobyl, Alex Mycravatundone on tumblr pointed out "And the ground has been slowly pulling us back down / You see it on both our skin / We get a few years and then it wants us back" for the aftermath
  • Hymn to Breaking Strain, by Kipling, and as sung by Leslie Fish and Julia Ecklar
    • This one tends towards Chernobyl, but can potentially be NiF as well, particularly when Mei Changsu has to face his own internalised abelism. 
    • We only of Creation / (Oh, luckier the bridge and rail)  / Abide the twin damnation  / To fail and know we fail. / Yet we - by which sole token / We know we once were Gods / Take shame in being broken / However great the odds / (The burden of the odds.)
  • Hope On Fire, by Vienna Teng
    • In return, more NiF, but with enough grit for Chernobyl as well
    • you're a one-man shift in the weather (MCS, Legasov), you're the woman who just won't sell (Nihuang, Khomyuk), climbing up and ringing the bell (Jingyan, Shcherbina)
  • In Blackwater Woods, by Mary Oliver
    • Yes, this is the one that ends with the three things one must be able to do with what is mortal, but before loss, we can appreciate the world as it was once.
  • The Envoy of Mr. Cogito, by Zbigniew Herbert
    • you were saved not in order to live / you have little time you must give testimony
    • ohhhhhhhhhh
  • I have more collected Edna St.Vincent Millay than other poets, so correspondingly more of her; allow me the pastoralism: 
    • Spring
      • Jingyan spent 12 years growing bitter, but in light of Chernobyl,"To what purpose, April, do you return again? Beauty is not enough" takes on another whole attitude
    • Passer Mortuus Est
      • The last stanza says 'love', but I think it could apply to shared endeavor at large. Even though we do perish, can't we still have been worth something at all?
    • The Plum-Gatherer
      • The plum-trees are barren now and the black knot is upon them / that stood so white in spring. / I would give to recall the sweetness and the frost of the lost blue plums, / anything, anything. 


(Also, this is obvious in the case of NiF, but the Chernobyl and names I drop here are re the story, not history. I'm looking at Mazin's work of fiction, not applying this lens to the real events.)
0dense: a mottled blue foreground fading into cold white; hail covering a light (Default)
Well we're not quite at Everything Awful Oh God Somebody Do Something, but man
has it been a mess lately or what

without even touching anything political/international/real-world beyond my tangible sphere bc I'm so exhausted, the thing about working in a legal clinic is, obviously, people come to you when they're in the worst situation. And it's our job to be supportive and helpful and get them as many resources as we can, and not be bogged down, but it's an endless parade of ways the world is cruel to people who don't deserve any of it. And our director is also working with the public defender's office, and the cases she gets are an order of magnitude worse - we're just civil, here, small mercies, but I'm gonna have to spend some time figuring out crim law too and that's gonna take a lot of emotional support, I can tell you.

so in the name of not letting myself start the day by on a down note, yesterday I finally psyched myself into letting some of my fic-bites into the world! I can't promise either quality nor quantity, but hey words exist in sequence!
In decreasing order of seriousness,

1: when having struggles, write lowkey whump
MCS is a Delicate Flower )

------------------------------------
2: YJ and JR, BFFL
welcome back, jingrui?? )

--------------------------------------------------
3: and then I throw caution to the wind and the bit where YJ realises everyone thought he was gonna be DFAB is my excuse to be 1000% self-indulgent
YJ is trans as hell it's great )

AKA: 
YJ: So, I'm trans
JR: Hell yeah, sister
YJ: So I'm gonna try being more femme, I think
JR: (walks directly into a tree) uhh. um. good for you!!

so those exist for the world to enjoy, hopefully! if something's not working for character voices and things, drop me a line? just please be nice! orz

also I called in late to work for the first time today bc I just gotta eat breakfast. and thank Goodness my director is chill, I just need to get my feet under me 

LLAP, y'all
0dense: a mottled blue foreground fading into cold white; hail covering a light (Default)
spring break wasn't long enough, but it was just in time!!
we hosted the bar association and the district attorney's office and reached out to easily ten thousand students and my department idol died in the leadup to break. I kinda sorta reaaaaly needed the time off lmao. 

I have. So much anxiety about finishing this semester well oh man lmao. but these next two months are gonna fly by, I know it, so I'm proposing a paper on the panopticon and (american) christianity tomorrow, and moved my term paper on metaethics necessary for legal systems forward a step tonight. I am! at least mildly capable!
Just gotta keep it up!!
in other news, I have like, 6 ideas for NiF fic floating around in various states of unfinishedness, and s/o to Ao3 for the Hugo nom! I should write more, this reminds me :_D Some of the server is doing Camp Nano! and I can't keep up with anything consistently, but hey I've written anything at all for this show, what if I get around to posting???
  • around 1,330 words of Jingrui and Yujin, BFFL
    • if each scene/conversation ends up around the same length, this is maybe 1/3 of the way? plot's still optional
  • JY hitting up against false positives for xiao Shu 
  • Meng Zhi, not wired to be sad, but accepting that he can't protect xiao Shu from himself (from Mei Changsu?)
    • there's a very very short draft from when I was still only in the first few arcs of the show, so if I reboot it, this won't be unrequited MZ->xS, but that's where I was right then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    • double drabble range
  • MCS whump, ft JY taking care of him!!
    • at 700ish words
  • the one where instead of LS going to the capitol, JY meets MCS in the frontierlands
  • and this whole thing that I don't have a name for, but it's worldbuilding for something like daemons and the ot3
and hey, wordcount-wise it's not much, but it's better than nothing! hopefully I can keep chipping away at it, now that the semester's back in gear???
0dense: a mottled blue foreground fading into cold white; hail covering a light (Default)
I haven't actually watched a show in ages, so thank goodness for youtube! but also I don't know if it's because NiF is extra twisty, or that I've been a student so long, but I have to take notes on everything that goes on lmao. between reading the subs and tracking plots, it's not a show I can watch mindlessly!

Anyway, I've made it to ep 11 and I Keep Dying. Latest causes of death: 
  • MCS has tricked Prince Yu into being nice to his little brother. JY's so unused to his brother being friendly, this is a travesty?? 
  • MCS: hey so, Princess. we're going to be pissing off Consort Yue, want in??
  • JY IS GOING TO ENTER THE RUNNING FOR CROWN PRINCE, i'M SO PROUD OF HIM
It's the parallel to MCS choosing him back in ep 4 that really gets me - He's not doing it for himself, for his own ambition, but he's willing to step up in the name of everyone he knows who can't speak up. And he has people around him who encourage him, who will defend him, because they know it won't be easy, even if it's the right thing to do

Ep 4:
JY: So have you chosen to advise the Crown Prince or Prince Yu, Sir?
MCS: I've chosen Your Highness. Just you, Prince Jing.
JY: You chose me?
(JY laughs)
JY: So you've chosen me. Then you're surely lacking in foresight and judgment. ... What can you achieve with me?
MCS: I know Your Highness is in a weak position. But you're still the prince I choose to serve.
...
JY: Those with accomplished minds can harbor the strangest ideas.
MCS: Your Highness, let's be honest here. Do you really want to see what would happen to our lands, if either of them wins the throne?
 
And now, in ep 11:
CJ: Jingyan, is something bothering you?
JY: I have decided to join the fight for the throne.
CJ: Are you siding with the Crown Prince? Or with Prince Yu?
JY: I'll fight for myself.
JY: And I will achieve it. For my brother, Prince Qi, and for Lin Shu, for everyone I care for. I will obtain the throne for them.

tbh, I'm not entirely clear on the timeline of this story - episodes fade right into one another, but I think a good amount of time can pass within each episode itself. It keeps the pace at a good trot, but my sense of time is a little whacked. But whether it's five episodes or a few months, JY is becoming more confident in himself, and more aware of the shortcomings of his own nation. His brother, the Prince Yu, is being kind to him for the first time in their lives, or near enough - what kind of guy doesn't invite his own little brother to new year's?? Is that the kind of guy who should be emperor? Ha!
I wonder if it's the contrast that's making JY realise how dire it is, really. It's one thing to be used to being insulted in front of the throne, and to take it on the chin without blinking. But as soon as you realise you deserve better, it all becomes so much harder to bear. He spent 12 straight years out in the field with his army, of course he didn't have a grasp of what the country was being run like. But now that he can recognise that something is wrong, there's absolutely no way he can let it stand. And he's not just a high general, he's a the seventh son of the Emperor, an eligible prince, and power = responsibility. 

wow, I'm love him!!!!!!!



Speaking of how dang upright he is, I love how both the good-guys and bad-guys are calling MCS out for being a manipulative bastard. Sure, it's his job as a strategist, but it's easy for JY to criticise him. Making MCS be honest as a condition of their cooperation is absolutely my kryptonite, knock me down with a feather. But when Qin Banruo is calling you out for using people without their knowledge, damn son. 
As an audience, we can cheer him on, for knowing how people will act and placing them just so for his schemes. But that doesn't make it good, that doesn't excuse him. 
Even MCS recognises it. He's going to do the dirty work, so that JY can keep his hands and heart clean. 
But it's the fact that the narrative keeps pointing out that no, having a true code of ethics is commendable, and not naive. It's not immature, it's not overly idealistic. No matter what your intention is, if you treat people as means and not ends in themselves, you're cruel. There isn't an excuse for using anyone like that.


I'm only on ep 11 but wowowowow this show is gonna wreck me
0dense: a mottled blue foreground fading into cold white; hail covering a light (Default)
So, the Director heard me when I brought the transphobic comments forward, and she reached out to another program director, and we're going to address the interns at large to start to deal with it all. I'm not used to starting things, but - people need to be aware. She has corporate experience, and she knows people can be fired for hate speech. The situation is a bit different for a student office, but not so much. If someone spoke like that to a client, someone who came to us in distress, that would be beyond the pale. So we're doing something about it.

Also, the fact is, we're not currently equipped to handle title 9 cases when we get that, and that is a disservice. Luckily, today we started talking with an attorney who's also working on campus, who has experience in that field. If we could have another voice in our court, I would be so glad.

There's a real chance that I'll be the next director, here. And our current director is amazing, she's got a whole set of expansion plans, and I can already see the legacy that she'll have after she graduates. We're collaborating on events and developing a plan to educate our interns, and maybe. maybe. Maybe the first thing I initiate, to shape our office, will be an insistance on compassion. 



anyway I'm watching this show Nirvana in Fire / Lang Ya Bang / 琅琊榜, and I'm sure I'll do a dedicated post sometime soon bc it's great, but just now one character escaped an attempted assault and went straight to the emperor, and it looked hairy for a minute but everyone showed up and testified and brought evidence to support her, and when the emperor realised, he turned on the main conspirator, shouting that "if that had happened and Nihuang was harmed, death would not be punishment enough!"

i just. have so many feelings about justice???????

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