perambulating

[0dense]

so on the one hand, I'm very glad for a particular opportunity that I've been given lately. it's something I've wanted for a while, and someone that I think does have my best interests in mind set it up, so I think I will take the step. On the other hand, I also have some emotional homework to do for it, the first draft of which is an explanation of why actually I don't want to do this OR anything like it in the foggiest, so that's a bit awkward to run into. but like, I already struggle to split myself into two streams; if I'm giving myself to a third party, which well would I draw from? is there enough of me TO give? I've been happy with my current balance.

on the third hand of course though, I remember the first time I took a trip down this road, and blindalchemist set me up SO well to recognise what we're getting into this time. put me on the right track for sure <3

I guess the answer will be to do the homework and turn it in, explaining what I do want to share and why I can't write a blank check. it's got to be reasonable not to be able to dive in head first--I mean, it's known that I'm here as a novice! I'm anxious but don't need to give it the wheel.

...oh, AND I have a clinic the same evening after we've got a first session penciled in. I'm gonna be SO beat lmao. yikes.