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0denseIiiii'm back from the east coast! it was super pretty; I wish dw was better at image posts so I could share them better, but my phone isn't connecting to my computer in any case so that'll take some finagling before I can actually take anything off of it lol aag. but trust me it was a good time :)
Next week, I'm starting my summer class; I'm taking one in summer session so I'm not doing 4 undergrad and 1 grad and working and commuting again. I learned that lesson last semester! By then I also hope I hear back from the hiring committee, and I'm anxious but hopeful. Also, without the summer course, if I had to do 5 courses, commute, and (if I get the promotion) be director in our bubble, that would be certifiably beyond my comfort zone! let's keep it healthy lol
but this past few weeks has been a really exciting time, socially speaking. Actually seeing east coast buddy is super special; we chat all the time but there's that pesky continent in the way. And this year I've seen them twice! I'm so lucky!! And hanging out with the squad back home, who I've known for over a decade or literally since before we were 1yo, depending on who's counting - good friends are really such a blessing. One member is finally moving away for good, soon, though. I'm going to have to process that; I'm really going to miss her.
But now, before that happens, since the 4th, I've participated in making three pies, cooking two dinners, and one ceremonial burning. I like to bake, I like to cook, I'm capable of destroying my old paperwork all on my own. But it's really, truly, the other people that make it special. I have so much love for my friends, and I'm not particularly good at saying things like that in so many words, but I hope they know it's true in any case.
and now for something completely different, because I don't feel like making two posts in one night, but, switching topics, time for more musing on being mixed and some tmi on account of the han alcohol->acetaldehyde reaction:
So, I know I say this fairly frequently in journal posts, but the thing about being mixed and white-passing is that it's super awkward. I'm not white and I don't go out of my way to be white-in-society, but all sorts of people still make assumptions, and you end up internalizing a very large dose of 'I'm not asian enough', which, suffice to say, is bullshit and sucks. But then over east, we went to geeks who drink and I had: a cider with dinner (shephard's pie, so it absorbed properly) and, later, at most 1/3 of a blackberry-lemonade-bourbon cocktail. It was not a lot, and I hydrate and generally look after myself, right. Also, I've certainly had more vodka than what I had of that mixed drink, and I metabolized it much better just even two years ago. But I have not thrown up at all since high school, until then. So, lesson learned, I don't just get a flush, I got the whole package of han alcohol intolerance. which is really obnoxious, on one hand!
but now that I know I have it, I've got to come to terms with the fact that I was really hoping I would. And once I registered that, I had to wonder, why the hell would I want an enzyme situation that makes me massively uncomfortable if not violently sick, from something that is a complete social norm? Why would I want not to be able to digest something?
But, see, it's a han thing. And I have so very, very little han about me. Green eyes and the ability to digest lactose. I'm short for the US, but eh, anyone can be short. Like I'm only at all asian according to the technicality of birth, but not in real life. Which is: Stupid of me. But it's what gets in your head, or in mine, at least. But this is something that specifically came from that side of my genetics. It's another stone in the bulwark against the pressure to forget who I am. It's something else to stake claim with. Is it small? Petty of me, perhaps? Perhaps, indeed. But the moral of the story is that I know something about myself and I'm choosing to embrace it. And hey, tonight with my friends, with good people, it's so easy to stick to what's mild. I'll miss her, but I'm not missing out by not drinking.
Next week, I'm starting my summer class; I'm taking one in summer session so I'm not doing 4 undergrad and 1 grad and working and commuting again. I learned that lesson last semester! By then I also hope I hear back from the hiring committee, and I'm anxious but hopeful. Also, without the summer course, if I had to do 5 courses, commute, and (if I get the promotion) be director in our bubble, that would be certifiably beyond my comfort zone! let's keep it healthy lol
but this past few weeks has been a really exciting time, socially speaking. Actually seeing east coast buddy is super special; we chat all the time but there's that pesky continent in the way. And this year I've seen them twice! I'm so lucky!! And hanging out with the squad back home, who I've known for over a decade or literally since before we were 1yo, depending on who's counting - good friends are really such a blessing. One member is finally moving away for good, soon, though. I'm going to have to process that; I'm really going to miss her.
But now, before that happens, since the 4th, I've participated in making three pies, cooking two dinners, and one ceremonial burning. I like to bake, I like to cook, I'm capable of destroying my old paperwork all on my own. But it's really, truly, the other people that make it special. I have so much love for my friends, and I'm not particularly good at saying things like that in so many words, but I hope they know it's true in any case.
and now for something completely different, because I don't feel like making two posts in one night, but, switching topics, time for more musing on being mixed and some tmi on account of the han alcohol->acetaldehyde reaction:
So, I know I say this fairly frequently in journal posts, but the thing about being mixed and white-passing is that it's super awkward. I'm not white and I don't go out of my way to be white-in-society, but all sorts of people still make assumptions, and you end up internalizing a very large dose of 'I'm not asian enough', which, suffice to say, is bullshit and sucks. But then over east, we went to geeks who drink and I had: a cider with dinner (shephard's pie, so it absorbed properly) and, later, at most 1/3 of a blackberry-lemonade-bourbon cocktail. It was not a lot, and I hydrate and generally look after myself, right. Also, I've certainly had more vodka than what I had of that mixed drink, and I metabolized it much better just even two years ago. But I have not thrown up at all since high school, until then. So, lesson learned, I don't just get a flush, I got the whole package of han alcohol intolerance. which is really obnoxious, on one hand!
but now that I know I have it, I've got to come to terms with the fact that I was really hoping I would. And once I registered that, I had to wonder, why the hell would I want an enzyme situation that makes me massively uncomfortable if not violently sick, from something that is a complete social norm? Why would I want not to be able to digest something?
But, see, it's a han thing. And I have so very, very little han about me. Green eyes and the ability to digest lactose. I'm short for the US, but eh, anyone can be short. Like I'm only at all asian according to the technicality of birth, but not in real life. Which is: Stupid of me. But it's what gets in your head, or in mine, at least. But this is something that specifically came from that side of my genetics. It's another stone in the bulwark against the pressure to forget who I am. It's something else to stake claim with. Is it small? Petty of me, perhaps? Perhaps, indeed. But the moral of the story is that I know something about myself and I'm choosing to embrace it. And hey, tonight with my friends, with good people, it's so easy to stick to what's mild. I'll miss her, but I'm not missing out by not drinking.
